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Brush up on your dating game! |
10 Tips for Online
Dating Safety
We offer a fun and secure
environment for meeting and relating with others online. It’s also a
great place to build loving and trusting friendships that can lead to
long lasting real life relationships. Whether you decide to correspond
with members online or meet members offline, please use sound judgment
and be responsible for your conduct online and off. In both the virtual
and real worlds, common sense is your best safety tool.
- Start Slow. Watch out for someone
who seems too good to be true. Begin by first communicating solely
via email. Be on the lookout for odd behavior or inconsistencies.
“Listen” to your correspondent’s words. The person at the other end
may not be who or what he/she says. Trust your instincts. If
anything makes you uncomfortable, walk away for your own safety and
protection.
- Guard Your Anonymity. All
correspondence with personals members should be done via internal
mail or via your own email program using your anonymous username
which does not reveal any personal contact information about you.
Never include your last name, real email address, personal Web site
URL, home address, phone number, place of work, or any other
identifying information in your profile or in the initial emails you
exchange with other members. Make sure your email signature file is
turned off, or does not include identifying information, when
corresponding with an advertiser via your own email. Stop
communicating with anyone who pressures you for this information or
attempts in any way to trick you into revealing it. Take all the
time you need to become comfortable with someone before revealing
any person contact information. Ask questions and make sure you are
satisfied with the answers. Trust your instincts, move cautiously
and be selective.
- Exercise Caution and Common Sense.
Careful, well-thought decisions generally lead to better results in
dating, and this is certainly true with online dating too. Guard
against trusting the untrustworthy. Any suitor must earn your trust
gradually, through consistently honorable, forthright behavior. Your
job is to take all the time you need to test for a trustworthy
person, and pay careful attention along the way. Take a relatively
conservative approach to trusting anyone you meet online. If you
think someone is lying, it is likely that they are, so act
accordingly. Move on to someone you can eventually trust. Conduct
yourself and your romances in a responsible manner. Don’t fall in
love at the click of a mouse. Don’t become prematurely intimate with
someone, even if that intimacy only occurs online.
- Request a Photo. A photo will give
you a good idea of the person's appearance, which may prove helpful
in achieving a gut feeling about your correspondent. In fact, it’s
best to view several images of this person in a variety of settings:
casual, formal, indoor, outdoors. If he or she continuously comes up
with an excuse, it may be because that person has something to hide.
- Talk Via Telephone. A phone call
can reveal much about a person’s communication and social skills. It
is worth the cost of the call to protect your security. But do not
give out your personal phone number to a stranger. Try a cell phone
number instead for added security. Or make arrangements to call from
a pay phone. Only when you feel completely comfortable should you
furnish your phone number.
- Meet When YOU Are Ready. The beauty
of meeting and relating online is that you can gradually collect
information and then make a choice about pursuing the relationship
in the real world. You are never obligated to meet anyone,
regardless of your level of online intimacy. And even if you do
decide to arrange a meeting, you always have the right to change
your mind. It’s possible that your decision to keep the relationship
at the anonymous level is based on a hunch that you can’t logically
explain. Trust yourself. Go with your gut instincts, even when they
can’t be logically explained. Never meet someone who argues against
your instincts, finds logical flaws with your feelings or pressures
you in any way.
- Watch for Red Flags. Pay attention
to any displays of anger, intense frustration or attempts at
pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a passive-aggressive
manner, making demeaning or disrespectful comments or any physically
inappropriate behavior are all red flags. You should also be
concerned if your date exhibits any of the following conduct without
providing an acceptable explanation:
- Provides inconsistent information
about age, interests, appearance, marital status, profession,
employment, etc.
- Refuses to speak to you on the phone
after establishing ongoing, online intimacy.
- Fails to provide direct answers to
direct questions.
- Appears in person to be significantly
different from his or her online persona.
- Never introduces you to friends,
professional associates or family members.
- Select the Safest Possible Environment.
When you make the choice to meet offline, always tell someone where
you are going and when you will return. Leave your date’s name and
telephone number with that person. Never arrange for your date to
pick you up at home. Provide your own transportation, meet in a
public place at a time when many people are present, and when the
date is over, leave on your own as well. A familiar restaurant or
coffee shop, at a time when a lot of other people will be present is
often a fine choice. Avoid hikes, bike rides or drives in remote
areas for the first few dates. If you decide to move to another
location, take your own car. When the timing is appropriate, thank
your date for getting together and say goodbye.
- Take Extra Caution Outside Your Area.
If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your own car and
a hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your hotel and never allow
your date to make the arrangements for you. Rent a car at the
airport and drive directly to your hotel. Call your date from the
hotel or meet at the location you have already agreed to. If the
location seems inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try
to contact your date at that location, or leave a message on a home
machine. Always make sure a friend or family member knows your plans
and has your contact information. And if possible, carry a cell
phone at all times.
- Get Yourself Out of a Jam. Never do
anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any way afraid of your
date, use your best judgment to diffuse the situation and get out of
there. Excuse yourself long enough to call a friend for advice, ask
someone else on the scene for help, or slip out the back door and
drive away. If you feel you are in danger call the police. It’s
always better to be safe than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed
about your behavior. Your safety is much more important than one
person’s opinion of you.
While liars, cheaters and imposters certainly ply their craft on the
Web, you’ll also find them in nightclubs, among the membership ranks of
off-line dating services, at cocktail parties, and occasionally sitting
across from you at your local café. Regardless of where, or how, you
meet someone, dating is never a risk-free activity. A little caution
will reduce your risk in these matters of the heart.
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